How the Pope Could Stop Eating Spaghetti

Pope Francis has not been obedient to doctor’s orders.

The doctors tell him to lay off the spaghetti, or limit it to twice a week.

As someone who has lost some weight during the year, I would like to humbly offer my suggestions to the pontiff as to what to do when tempted by the plate of spaghetti.

Spaghetti Squash.

Spaghetti squash is a miracle of nature. Cooked properly, the end results look and feel exactly like that of actual spaghetti. Except, instead of high carbohydrates and empty calories, it is loaded with nutrition, providing folic acid, potassium, vitamin A, and beta carotene. I actually prefer the feel of spaghetti squash than that of a box of pasta.

The only drawback to spaghetti squash is that this takes longer to cook, and involves cutting a giant squash, inside of which are lots of seeds. Instead of boiling water, this is baked in the oven (or put in a crock pot) for a considerable length of time. With proper planning, I’m sure his cooks can get this done.

Shirataki Noodles

Shirataki noodles are a trickier find. They are harder to find in the grocery store, often in the produce department, next to the tofu noodles and the vegetarian bacon.

One of the benefits of these are that they take a very short time to cook. They are practically done right out of the package, and perhaps need just a draining and warming up in the microwave. But they are often expensive. Furthermore, another name for them is “devil’s tongue noodles.” That may be a pontifical faux pas.

Portion Control/Moderation

If His Holiness would still prefer the taste of spaghetti, perhaps he could limit his intake and increase the amount of his sauce? Perhaps he could just have enough to satisfy his cravings, but then direct his attention towards grilled chicken or salad. Or perhaps he should append double the amount of protein with every spoonful of pasta. Perhaps he should keep a diet journal, so to properly budget his pasta intake. (However, such journals should be kept separate from the rest of his writings).

I wish the Pontiff a proper diet of high protein, and low carbohydrates, and plenty of exercise. He’s doing a great job, and I would want him to sustain the energy to fulfill the tasks required for such a high position. May he have a tremendous Easter.